end of an era.

So I'm moving out of Bellingham July 9th. That is also my graduation from AmeriCorps.

As I begin the last 46 days in town, I've been reflecting on a lot of my past four years here.

I've made a ton of friends since I moved here in September 2006 but I've also lost a lot of them, well most of them. The best ones moved away and the ones that still live here are so busy that it is hard to keep in touch.

I miss them like crazy. It is scary to think that after I move to South Korea, that it could be YEARS before I see them again.

You know, I've been looking at old pictures from growing up and I see all these lost friendships and I definitely have a bunch of regrets because I know that I could have been a better friend. I truly believe that I am a good person at heart but in the past, I was too self-centered and selfish to maintain friendships for long periods of time. I've spent a lot of my time being on the receiving end and not so much on the giving side. There are some friends that I have tried my hardest to give them all I can but overall, that isn't a theme that I've seen much of.

I want to change that as soon as possible. I am really hoping that I can turn my life around once I move to South Korea. Spend less time being judgmental/bitchy/whiny/etc. and spend more time getting to know new friends and have a good time while doing it.

I really had those same expectations when I started AmeriCorps but that is not how it has turned out. I really wish that I had moved somewhere new for my first year of service so I didn't have a bad view of the area that I lived in. I was already burnt out on Bellingham and staying here just made things worse and it didn't help any of the new friendships that I started to develop. Now drama is seeping in and I don't like it. Part of me wants to fix it and part of me doesn't care anymore because after 46 days, I doubt I will see most of these people in person any time soon. So my advice to anyone that does AmeriCorps, go somewhere else!

I guess overall, I am still rather lonely and slightly depressed. I just need a better attitude and a change of scenery. I truly believe that South Korea is going to help bring me out of this funk. Even if I hate it, at least I'm not stuck in Bellingham!

I could go on and on but the important point is that I'm ready for this change and I hope 46 days doesn't drag on.

PS. I'm looking forward to spending a week in Seattle from July 9th-July 13th saying goodbye to my besties. I can't believe I won't get a chance to escape to them for at least a year when I'm having a hard time. Oh life.